Meredyth's Take: Every morning I watch "Reba" on Lifetime while I'm getting ready, because entertaining and happy. Besides my quiet time, it's a good way to start the day. Today, I discovered the episode was about the Reba's daughter and her husband, who got pregnant at 17 out of wedlock. They got married and continue to live under the mom's roof. The two were arguing about all of the things they were missing out on, but the episode ended with them agreeing that marriage was definitely a sacrifice but one worth making. Before I get to the light-hearted fun we've had as a married couple, let me first make one thing clear: I am definitely an optimist, but when it comes to marrying the man of my dreams, I had to be a realist. Marriage was going to be hard. Thus far, we've battled surgery, the flu, unemployment, a natural disaster, disagreements that seemed impossible to resolve, and how to mesh two families. I wish I could say that every night we play the Wii, stay up for hours on end talking about our dreams, and cook elaborate meals every night. We haven't been married long enough to give advice or even get out of the "honeymoon phase," but believe me when I say we have learned a lot through trials and struggling together through different things. It's how God brings us together and teaches us things. Cooper complements me perfectly. It's like a puzzle, but way more entertaining.
The reality is that there is also a ton of fun, laughter, love, and cooperation. Having no money has turned out to be great, because we can experience the thrill of finding extra change, dumping it into the coin counter at Kroger, and going to buy a pizza as a treat after spending our last dollar. Working hard while Cooper was in school and recovering from knee surgery taught me how to serve him and how hard it is to provide, so I will in the future appreciate him even more and more as the kids come. On days like today when I'm discouraged or defeated, there are just a couple flowers in a vase so I know he thought of me without dropping the big bucks. What more could I ask for? I've gotten to open Cooper's eyes to the phenomenon of "Friends." And how many guys are willing to watch "You've God Mail," or "Gilmore Girls?" I think I hit the jackpot. He puts up with my fits, rants, and drama without a complaint, just a smile and a calming word or two. One of my favorite things is that he will never let me roll over and go to sleep without kissing me goodnight. Sometimes, I'm already asleep before him or frustrated about something on occasion, and he still will kiss me goodnight. Is it super cheesy that I want a wall stick-on quote that says "Always kiss me goodnight;" no, it's too appropriate.
Well, I could go on forever about our marrige, but I thought I'd hit the highlights. Before I conclude, always know that marriage will be the second best decision you ever made besides your decision to follow the Lord. Besides having Christ guide the marriage, I found a Will Smith quote helpful. When asked how his Hollywood marriage to Jada Pinket could possibly last when so many fall apart, he said "Well, we went in knowing leaving wasn't an option. When you decide that, then you are motivated to work through everything, because what other choice do you have?" I didn't say, "I maybe do if I am in the mood," or "I do....for now." I said I do forever!
Cooper's Tale: I find myself in job interviews being asked about what I feel like is one of my greatest accomplishments of late. It doesn't take me long to answer because I genuinely feel that getting married was just that. People like to give a little smile and think, "Oh how cute, but that gives me no reason to hire this guy," therefore I have no job. I digress. But seriously, getting married has been one of the greatest things I've ever done. It has by no means been the easiest thing I have ever done though. I'll get back to the greatness of marriage in a moment. Things have definately been different in my life for the past 7 and a half months. I didn't grow up with girls. My mom, bless her heart, only had sons so to me, she was not really a girl. I knew she was in the sense that she wore dresses and had long hair, but my mom was not really a girl. She threw baseball with us, she watched football games, and she occassionally put up with our smell. So needless to say, me moving in with a girl and living with an actual girl was a world of difference for me. Not to mention, I married Monica Geller. I went from only making the bed if guests were coming over and that was only if they were either going to be staying in my room or momentarially peaking in, to making the bed everyday with the comforter turned down and every pillow in its proper place. And to this day, still don't do it right or still don't do it everyday. Meredyth knows where every single item that we own is placed and unless I placed it there, she ordered it in a fasion so that either it is alphabetical or layered according to frequency of use. So I've had to go to school on how to live with a girl but Meredyth has also had to go to school on sharing everything with a boy. She grew up with brothers but didn't really share everything with them. They each had their own domain and rarely cross the battle lines into the other's territory out of fear or later regret from encroaching upon the siblings sacred space. So sharing a bed with a boy has been a learning curve for Meredyth. But she has taken to it better than I have. I'm a creature of habit and it takes me a long to rid myself of a habit that I learned as a wee little boy.
So in brief, those have been the tough things about learning how to be married. And getting married and actually being married, as I have learned, are completely different. Each enters in with their own expectations and comes to soon find out that those expectations are not going to be met and if that expectation was false, it won't ever be met. But soon you learn how to discuss money, food, clothing, furniture, things in general, as a unit because it is not just about you anymore. That's been tough too because Meredyth and I have not been the normal newly weds. I was in school for the first 6 months of our marriage and on top of that, had recontrustive surgery to repair a blown ACL from me playing flag football. But you know what, I wouldn't trade it for the world. This is the good part that I was talking about earlier. Things have not been the easiest for Mer and me but you know what, they sure have been fun. I've eaten my fair share of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches over the past 7 and a half months but I've come to love them more. I couldn't have asked for a better wife and companion to journey through life with. She's great. But enough about her. I love being married and would recommend it to friends. But I will depart on saying this one thing about marriage: have some realistic expectations of what marriage is and what being married actually looks like because it is not all roses and butterflies. Sometimes it is hard and sometimes it tests you to the core of your being, but if you know that coming in and are willing to stick it out, it's a gimme. So for those of you out there thinking about getting married, pray about it and ask God that he bring you that person who is willing to fight with you and for you because no one wants to fight alone.
